on being perfect :: final thoughts

{part one & part two here; just some thoughts after hearing an impactful speech}

I have no words that will release you into never struggling again with perfectionism.

This post may even disappoint and bring on more questions than answers.

I can however, point towards a few directions that caused a change of mentality and attitude :: that radically rocked this walk with a holy God.

Early in our marriage, we came across a book just released whose title pulled the reader in.  My husband read chapters and quickly attempted to peak my interest as well.  I was not hooked.  In the Grip of Grace?  Really?  Through my mind came the usual and often heard responses to that word grace ::

“Oh, grace is wimpy isn’t it?  It’s for those who are trying to get away with sin, who want God to cover-up their mistakes with quick forgiveness.  He’s a holy God!  He has standards!  Grace is only a way out….”

What a serious lack of understanding.

In the first few pages of this book (yes, I did finally concede to reading) the author tells the story of several brothers who have failed their father by running away and finding themselves living among people & ways unlike their homeland.  Each one’s response to their wrongdoing is described as only Max Lucado can do.  One gives up and becomes like the rest, believing a way back to the father is impossible.  Another is so angry at this brother and chooses to carefully watch & record the wrong being done (therefore ignoring his own misdeeds).  And one son does return when the messenger comes with an announcement that the father is awaiting them all.

But is was the fourth son that caused me to stop flipping pages and read this story multiple times.  One son…he couldn’t accept a way back to the father when the messenger arrived.  Simply return after what he had done?

Just go with this messenger? 

Instead, this son chooses to try and work his way back into favor.  Instead of accepting the ride home, he tries to build a new way back home.  It was impossible, the journey too long.  And yet, he works and works and works…

Unable to accept that the way home was to ride the messenger’s back, this son slaves away with little success that he cannot see will never work; he is so proud of the accomplishment that is destined to fail.  He was unable to accept a father who was granting him favor, a way to himself, that the son had not earned. 

He couldn’t accept grace.

I could relate to this son and the striving; the cringing inside when I failed and the attempt to ‘not ever do that again’, whatever THAT was.  The attempt of perfectionism block’s ones view.  First, there is the pride issue and the belief that ‘all is well when I do well—and I really haven’t done much wrong’, which is false at best.  Then, when there is inevitable failure or mistakes, perfectionism breeds a condemning attitude : ‘What was I thinking?  How could I have been so…(fill in the blank)?’  So efforts are doubled up, reinforcements put in place :: legalism established or restored.

What a vicious cycle that kills the spirit!  Oh, we need grace. 

What is this grace all about?

I offer simple thoughts, not great theology.  Grace is what makes up the difference.  It is the undeserved favor of God that will ‘fill in the blanks’ when we come up short.  And we always will.  We are responsible to do our part, but God already knows that our very best, even if it could be perfect all of the time, will always fall short to what is needed.  This could be a depressing thought, except for His grace (Eph 2: 8-9).

Because grace makes up the difference.  God already provided a way for those of us who tend to lean towards the striving, the gaining of success by our efforts alone, the thinking we may actually have it all together.  Grace keeps me from being caught up in who I am supposed to be and accepting of who I am—and who God is through me (I Cor 15:10). 

As mothers, wives, as women on this journey…we need grace.  Not only for ourselves, but also for those who follow.

Lord, grant us understanding.

***************

If you or anyone else battles with this concept of grace as I did, I highly recommend ~

The book of Romans :: by far the best explanation of this often misunderstood concept of grace.  Read it front to back, over & over, asking the Lord to illuminate the truths within the words.  He will.

The Grip of Grace by Max Lucado :: an extension of understanding Romans in simple, everyday language.  Excellent!

 

***************

the whole series:

part one:  a reformed perfectionist

part two:  perfectionism is insecurity.  insecurity is fear.

final thoughts:  in the grip of grace

 

photo credit

on being perfect :: final thoughts

on being perfect :: part one

I’m a reformed perfectionist.

You know, the Type A first-born sort of thing.  But much bigger in my case.  This is a result of a combination of factors from personality (God-given!) to home life growing up.  Childhood for me was full of an abundance of rules and structure, but I don’t necessarily see all of this as completely out of line. 

My mother I’m convinced is the original FlyLady and could have made some money in her day.  Once-a-month cooking or freezing food ahead of time?  Yep, she missed publicizing that one too as this was a norm in our household long before the books & press.  You see what I mean…we were that kind of family and I was that kind of kid.

So, what then is the big deal?  Is the desire for keeping surroundings uncluttered or organized an issue? 

Being ultra-detailed and a planner a problem?

Well, it can be…

At the Relevant Conference last weekend, Ann Voskamp (probably my favorite modern day writer), spoke some profound words that has me pondering and thinking much. 

“We do not achieve our identity in Christ, we receive it.”  Her words that caused my pen to pause and my heart to beat loudly as I recalled times past :: of the chains that hindered freedom.

The former problem of perfectionism in my life is wrapped up in those few words.  Somehow the truth became twisted as I was caught in the trap of believing that if all was in order (and if I could keep it this way nearly all of the time), then the approval of man and God was in the bag.

Big. Fat. Lie.  And yet, this way of thinking dominated my life for years.  Achieving and not receiving, only to be left soul-tired and weary.  This pattern of thought bears little, or let me be bold and say NO fruit.

So how did I unwind and unravel this mindset? 

I didn’t.  But I did have a head-on-collision with GRACE…

*************

the whole series:

part one:  a reformed perfectionist

part two:  perfectionism is insecurity.  insecurity is fear.

final thoughts:  in the grip of grace

 

photo credit

on being perfect :: part one

after the rains

Our little area of the state received a downpour yesterday :: in a matter of hours there was significant flooding that caused schools to release children earlier in the day, evening activities to be cancelled.

Oh, the rain! A part of nature’s course :: often anticipated and sometimes dreaded.

Yet we need the rains to come…

 

Rains in our lives as well are needed.  Can we ever really embrace this truth?  That consistently bright sunny days are not the best for us—eventually the air becomes too dry, then parched. 

We need the rain.  In its many forms rains come as an unwelcome trial, a disappointment, a call to even greater Sabbath rest, a challenge from within or from without :: the clouds become a little darker and full and…

the rains come.

The rain is for our growth, for our good though we’ve been tricked into believing that we must resist it.

Temptation is to be resisted.  Not growth. 

And the rain experiences of life will cause us to be nourished if we allow the process to fully come around.  God is faithful and will not disappoint, even if we shake our fist at the rain.  Because sometimes, it’s just hard not to.

Then afterwards…oh, the promise of afterwards!  The sun peeks out from behind trees and clouds…

And shines again! 

 

enjoy a lovely weekend…..

after the rains

never again

{I recently wrote this for our church women’s newsletter}

The following is a true story. The facts have not been altered in any way.

The date is February 10, 2009, one full of activities as we had a child’s birthday to celebrate. At a point that morning I finally decided all was calm enough to quickly finish getting ready. I separated my crew and my then 10 and 3 year-olds were in the basement playing, the 6 year-old birthday girl in my room. Yes. Naively I slipped behind the double doors of our bedroom for just a few minutes alone, every mother of little-ones-at-home dream come true. All of a sudden, my 10-yr old daughter comes in yelling at the top of her lungs...."MOM, the POLICE are here!!" My first thought was of my husband in an accident.

"What!? At our door?"

"YES! Oh Mom, are we in trouble!? Did you get a ticket or something!? WHY are they here!?" Like I knew that. So I ask her to open the door while trying to pull myself together. What in the world could the police want with me? Running downstairs, I find two officers questioning my daughter.

'So, you don't have school today?'

'Oh, I'm homeschooled.' At that point I wanted to yell...Oh no, she's not!! because I knew what they had to be thinking. But I stayed silent since shock had settled in. Just in perfect timing, my 3-yr old son—the culprit who accidentally called 911 in the first place—came around the corner waving a piece of bread on a stick and asked the policemen if they wanted to play campfire and did they happen to have any marshmallows?

Again, I had nothing to say. Imagine the headlines now: “Mute Woman Attempts to Homeschool Children, Investigation Pending”. I did wonder where the bread had come from...wasn’t he supposed to be in the basement?

One officer began cancelling the fire department & ambulance on their way as well. I finally spoke up when asked for my name, date of birth, etc. and as they left, I apologized profusely. Mortification doesn’t even begin to describe what I was experiencing, let me tell you.

Closing the door behind me, my mind began racing with a resolute vow...

I will never, ever again...

I will never again. Ever uttered those words as a response? Ever felt the need to shelter and shield yourself from further or repeated pain? To never again want to experience anything that would even come close to representing what you’ve been through? John Eldredge, author of Wild at Heart, comments in his book that we often make vows from our place of ‘woundedness’. From the place of hurt, embarrassment, anger or any other hosts of deep emotion emerges a resolve to never, ever...well, fill in the blank. I’m sure we all can.

Yes, my run-in with the law was a tad humiliating and by no means a real wound so to speak. But it reminded me then and now of how I’ve so quickly done the hard work of building a wall of ‘never again’ protection only to realize that this same wall was keeping me captive. Keeping out the unwanted maybe, but also blocking the good trying to flow into my life.

It’s hard. Some of the experiences we’ve been through have left us raw and yes, wounded. I’m not trying to advocate a simple 1-2-3 ‘get over it’ plan that means little. I wouldn’t do that; life has dished out a few situations of my own to demonstrate how trite this would be. However, very delicately, I will suggest another alternative.

Let God take the never again. Gather up every one of those resolves, those vows made in the midst of pain and hurl them at His feet. Cast them off, shed them like the dirty laundry they are spiritually and stand there bare before Him. They’re too weighty to carry anyway, am I right? Do it again and again if need be. Then allow Him to robe you in His clothing of peace to your soul and a heart willing to try again, live again, BE again. He desires this for you...will you let Him?

As for me, I’ve decided that age 15 is when my children can finally be trusted to be alone; so by 2025 I can hopefully enjoy those few minutes by myself!

 

photo credit

never again

how to love for mothers

I recently shared this paraphrase with a group of Moms from our church.  Thought it might bless someone today:

I Corinthians 13 paraphrased for Moms (from the book A Mother's Heart by Jean Fleming)

If I keep my house immaculately clean, and am envied by all for my interior decorating, but do not show love in my family---I'm just another housewife.

If I'm always producing lovely things--sewing, art; if I always look attractive, and speak intelligently, but am not loving to my family--I am nothing.

If I'm busy in community affairs, teach Sunday school, and drive in the carpool, but fail to give adequate love to my family--I gain nothing.

Love changes diapers, cleans up messes, and ties shoes--over and over and over again.

Love is kind, though tired and frazzled.

 

Love doesn't envy another wife--one whose children are 'spaced' better or in school so she has time to pursue her own interests.

Love doesn't try to impress others with my abilities or knowledge as a mother.

Love doesn't scream at the kids and apologizes when I do.

Love doesn't feel cheated because I didn't get to do what I wanted to do today--sew, read, soak in a hot tub.

Love doesn't lose my temper easily.

Love doesn't assume that my children are being naughty just because their noise level is irritating.

Love doesn't rejoice when other people's children misbehave and make mine look good.  Love is genuinely happy when others are honored by their children.

how to love for mothers

simply me

I hang up the phone and pause to contemplate words undeserved, words spoken in admiration but that have left me pondering once again their concealed meaning…

‘Oh, you’re a super-mom, a super-woman!  You’re simply amazing!’

Is this really true?  And what does this mean anyway :: have I somehow reached a status that we as women and mothers are to try and attain?  Who makes these decisions….

My spirit is disturbed at the thoughts shared.   It often rattles me when an outsider receives a peek into our daily routine, our pattern & rhythm of life and makes such a declaration.  I’m not amazing.  I am just simply me.  Just attempting to live out our priorities in a God-honoring way, what feels right for our family.  There are no claims that what we do or how I function works for all, but at times others seem to think so.  While I know how to receive and even welcome compliments, I still cringe :: for I want to inspire, not intimidate.  They receive a message not intended.

It’s flattering and can lead to pride, oh I’ve been there.  When others try to emulate and copy, the heart swells with selfish thoughts leading to an uppity disposition that has trapped so many.  It’s a snare, pride is.  Ugly and unrelenting in it’s trap.  I don’t want that.

 

And yet, I am to be me.  Living out the plans and purposes He designed, trying to be a good steward of the gifts He has given.  Exploring the interests that cause a spark in my mind or heart.  I didn’t ask for these gifts—they do not belong to me ultimately :: and my creative pursuits are wide and many…

but that’s just who I am.  It’s simply me.

While there are many aspects we should hold in common, we’re each to walk in the unique path set before us, to develop our abilities and talents, to share with others the gifts bestowed upon us.  We should not push our own expectations onto others, but neither should we shrink back because others have yet to accept who they are uniquely.  Encourage spirits though, for they only struggle with an ailment common to us all at one time or another.

     

What is the right path for you?  Is it one of quiet in this season or do you sense a wild stampede of ideas, rushing to the surface to make themselves known?  Perhaps this is a time for retreat from previous plans, or on the other hand…it’s time to step forward :: knees shaking, heart trembling but a readiness to pursue & move ahead. 

Dare to be who you were created to be.  Live fully and uniquely to how you’ve been wired.   Really, it’s the only way.  But, for His glory, oh yes….only for His glory.

“Not to us, O LORD, not to us
       but to your name be the glory,
       because of your love and faithfulness.”

                                                                     Psalm 115:1

 

photo: last weekend’s project~homemade tic-tac-toe board for game time fun (idea came from here)

simply me

morning basket

Children scurry, moving quickly through morning responsibilities :: brush teeth, get dressed, make beds and such. We all prepare our bodies, minds, and yes our hearts for the event ahead.

It’s ‘morning basket time’ as the little ones in our home are now fond of calling this daily devotional portion of our day. The oldest girl lights the candles, there is a sense of anticipation and hush {well, almost!} and we begin with prayer. As breakfast around the table continues, we pause to spiritually fuel-up for our day.

Morning basket time has become a special highlight.





The idea is simple. Gather several devotional resources we own, place in a basket close by the table, and use often. What an easy organizational tool! Before, the materials used were around the house on different bookshelves and I often forgot we owned them or couldn’t quickly locate a certain book when needed.

So now we come together, a variety of books at our fingertips and visually available to me often so that I can plan accordingly for our week. We take about a 1/2 hr to complete morning basket gathering. Other times it’s been shorter because we are leaving the house earlier or at rare times it’s been a bit longer. The children have enjoyed more structure to our devotions. I think it has to do with the candles, really :: they’re mesmerized by the light.

Our time consists of:

Opening Prayer~thanking the Lord for the day He has given, usually by one of the children

Focus for the Day reading~I plan ahead and choose a selection for each day. Right now in our basket are these resources, some of our favorites representing the various ages in our home:

• NIV Bible
• Hymns for a Kid’s Heart ~ a great series of song books with the story of how each hymn came to be
• A copy of A Catechism for Boys and Girls ~ did you catch Josiah about a year ago answering these questions? It’s still our favorite video of him to watch!
• Training Hearts, Teaching Minds ~ a bit deeper information on the catechism for our older daughter
• Trial and Triumph ~ church history stories
• God’s Wisdom for Little Boys
• God’s Wisdom for Little Girls
• Names of our Father ~ to encourage an understanding of the various names of God
• A Child’s Book of Character Building ~ a new resource to us that is wonderful! Short stories on a variety of biblical character traits. I appreciate the variety, for example last week we read about diligence in the home, diligence at play and diligence in the Bible.
• The Big Picture Story Bible ~ the children love this Bible! The story of God’s redemption is weaved for them from the fall to Christ’s return. Before this we had not owned a children’s Bible that created this perspective for kids. It reads as one long story, which of course it is!
• Sophie and Sam, When to Say ‘Yes’ & ‘No’ ~ a rhyming text resource, excellent for preschoolers.
• The children’s gratitude journals (photo here) ~ this year I’ve decided to begin our kids on a habit that has truly changed my everyday mindset and attitude :: listing the gifts that abound. For our 3-year old, I’ll write, he’ll draw and the older girls can do their own.
• Windows on the World ~ keeping a global prayer perspective
• AWANA books ~ all three kiddos are involved in this weekly Bible club & we work on memorizing the scriptures

We do NOT use all of these resources every day or even each week, but they are available, reminding me to plan them in. After reading, we continue on with….

Celebrations~anything exciting to report! :: family happenings & such. Or we’ll use this time to work on gratitude journals.

Prayer Requests~ for ourselves or others, praying for those around the world or taking time to pray for the child in India we sponsor through Gospel for Asia.

Closing Prayer~ and blow out the candles :o)

How I love this! A simple tool of placing all resources in a primary location can be used for anyone & for any age group, including adults. Try it out in your home?
  
  
  

morning basket

waiting

This week begins much different than the ending of the last, gratitude rises with each breath of relief as I wonder again at my lack of consistency in trusting this Mighty God :: in leaving it all laying before Him and awaiting His answers.

I am so impatient Lord.
And that response has never proven helpful to my situations, so when will I learn?

I have fluttered between a variety of emotions. True excitement about our future and then a tinge of worry as I wonder how everything will flow together into a rhythm of life that is not chaotic. In the last several days, each of our responsibilities have weighed heavy and felt burdensome to my spirit, much different than the yoke you speak of and that I've experienced.

How will I get it all done? How will everything fit together? Oh, the looming questions on probably every homemaker's heart! And though this question has been faced and fear conquered over many seasons, the last several days...this past week Lord...it seemed too large for me. A strong force of doubt began to shut out Your voice :: I momentarily gave in to the fear.

 

But Thou Oh Lord are a shield for me, my glory and the lifter of my head. You will not leave me comfortless, and when I ask, wisdom beyond understanding is made available to me. Once again, as I cried out my lament and waited...

YOU became my answer. YOU became my daily bread, the air I breathe :: and in that presence, the opposing emotions began to settle, lose their power over me. Wisdom, strategy for new family patterns & rhythms begin to emerge.  You began to put the pieces of our life together as I released the entire puzzle to you.  And while there are still questions, I will choose to wait on the rest. I will allow You to be enough.

::::

That is the question I think we ask during our times of worry, of anxiety, of doubt.  Will He be enough?  Will my Lord take care of me and the situation before me?  You are here Lord…right?

It was the battle of Abraham as he wondered & worried about the promise made and his lack of a child to carry out the vision…

of prophets like Jeremiah and Elijah as they were disregarded and rejected for doing what God had required of them…

of Hannah who pleaded with her God about the desires of her heart…

of Mary who must have been truly shaken up by her angelic encounter, trusting & yet perhaps wondering how it would all work out.

Scripture give us many clues into the hearts of those who struggled in this area and we can read of Moses, King David, Queen Esther, and on…

Each and every time, He answered.  In His own way, in His own time, He assured each heart of His presence and an awareness of all that lay before them.  So, we can release any anxiety into these hands…and wait on HIM.

photo credit

waiting

the pillow, part 2

{continuing thoughts from our church's women's retreat :: part one is here}

As I had mentioned before, I want to introduce that in the middle of this situation, Jesus had learned to juggle. Why relate it to juggling? And what does this have to do with our Lord?

To understand and accomplish the art {with balls, bowling pins or in living life}, one has to accept three realities:

Juggling Reality #1 :: there is always a ball up in the air--a.k.a.--things that are not ours to do. I want to believe that Christ was able to find a pillow of rest because he embraced the fact that He couldn't be everything to everyone and do everything all at once. So, someone else was going to have to steer the boat, manage the voyage, feed the crew, whatever. At that time, it wasn't his responsibility or task to take on. The priority was for his physical rest.


Juggling Reality #2 :: you are always releasing a ball--a.k.a.--letting something go. Jesus had been teaching all day Scripture tells us, and in the Mark passage it specifically states that he 'left the crowd behind'. He released the task of instructing the masses, even though it was very good and worthwhile. The time had come to let it go. What if they wanted to hear more? Couldn't He share another parable, how difficult or time-consuming would that be? But, the answer was no, it was time to move on.


Juggling Reality #3 :: you are always taking hold of a ball--a.k.a.--what you need to be doing at the time. Our Savior obviously took hold of the next thing he needed to do after leaving the crowd, which was to rest--upon a pillow {I just love that!}. But also after a time of respite, when his friends had brought him from a state of REM to wakefulness, Jesus arose and did the next task He set out for him :: calming the storm. He didn't ask for more sleep or curl back up to rest on....he woke up and fulfilled his purpose for that moment. Wow, the truth of that is simple powerful!


So what of us? Well, the same principles apply in life I believe. For myself, it's a daily journey of releasing and also realizing what is not in my control or sphere of influence at a particular time; and then taking hold of what I am to be about that day. Other times I step back and look at the bigger picture, let's say a season of my life, to see what God may be saying about the three realities:

'Daniele, my child, here is what you need to release right now; not forever, but right now...'
'My daughter, this season, here is your purpose--take hold of it and run!'
And He whispers often to me {or shouts since I've demonstrated spiritual stubbornness more than once}--'There are some areas you must realize are under my Spirit's control, not yours.' or another one--'You're going to allow someone else do this'.

Lessons in juggling. Life lessons, hard lessons at times.
But our Savior demonstrated it well :: and in that He found rest.

On a pillow no less!

the pillow, part 2

peace, power and a pillow

I did say I would write a bit about our women's retreat last weekend, right? Well...it's a little difficult to take an entire weekend and sum it up into one post! A few highlights on the topic itself~~

Mark 4: 35-41

Right away I noticed three aspects in the story

Jesus brought peace to the situation
He demonstrated power and authority
He was sleeping on a cushion (some versions say a pillow)

It was the last one that really caught my attention though the story has been read and heard on numerous occasions. In fact, I found that fact quite comical! Before you think me sacrilegious, I should explain that my mind works in pictures :: so when I read something--anything--pictures or even a full scale movie of the text is immediately formed in my head. Sound, lights, action! Yep, I know you're thinking it's odd. Weird even. I fully agree with you.

So, here are the disciples and Jesus on this boat. The Master slips off and his chosen friends take care of readying themselves for travel and other necessary preparations for voyage across the lake. And then a serious storm arises.

And while I believe He was aware of the situation, Jesus was physically at rest. Sleeping--on a soft pillow or cushion no less! Everyone is fretting and concerned, which was completely the appropriate response as they knew their lives were in danger, and our Savior is sleeping :: resting :: pausing.

While there are many applications to be drawn from this account, I shared what struck me the most. Christ made it a priority to rest, even in the middle of this situation. Somehow, he was able to find a pillow and take a nap :: and to continue His rest while the storm carried on {remember, they had to wake Him up}.

How could He do that? What was His secret?

I'd like to present the idea that Jesus had learned to juggle.
Uh, huh. Juggle.


{to be continued later today....}

peace, power and a pillow

thinking...

Welcome November!

When recently cleaning through some files of photographs I've taken, the one below caught my attention and immediately thoughts spilled from my mind onto paper...allow me share just a bit:

These two trees :: one bleak & stripped bare, the other juxtaposed against it, full & green. If these trees represented lives, my life, with which one would I identify right now?

At times my circumstances leave me bare and exposed, cringing at my appearance. Do others see this weather-beaten season of my life, my austere existence? Do they judge and whisper about my lack? In this period of life, when the glory of externals have fallen and have left me seeing only the 'raw-ness', can I accept my position, my season :: or do I feel the need to hide and be ashamed?

Oh, but other junctures of life bring fullness, joy, exuberance! How I celebrate and await these opportunities! My voice wants to rise up from deep within me and shout :: do you see how well I am!? How green & lush my leaves!? This season brings no shame, no, but perhaps a smidgen of grandiose boasting without refrain.

The moral of these two trees, from my humble standpoint is this:

We will all experience these contrasting seasons in the course of life. As the Creator has taught us through nature, the leaves do eventually fall, and they will come again.

And we will all share an acquaintance with another whose circumstance places him or her on the opposite end the spectrum from our own.

How we respond makes all of the difference.

In my state of joy, do I still see and approach my sister in pain and share comfort from my bounty? Do I care about the welfare of the others close by, or do I rebuff without thinking their bleak and bare selves :: hoping & not wanting it to withdraw from the fullness I'm experiencing.

In my pain, do I allow for such sharing :: those who reach out to demonstrate care, are they received? Or have I convinced myself of the ridiculous notion of acting stronger than I really am, of not allowing anyone to see the raw, real me?

It's time out for all of that nonsense. As part of this big family, we were created for interdependence. Not co-dependent, but allowing for the weak to stand upright next to the strong :: together. And while our hands reach outward in relationship to one another, our hearts stretch upward in response to Him.

The one who understands both the joy and the pain :: because he experienced them both and knows. To God be the glory....

thinking...

great expectations

{back in early 2005, I did a retreat for the women of our congregation on simplicity in life :: this is an article I had written for our ministry newsletter to introduce the topic. As I was planning an impossible week of homeschooling recently, the Lord reminded me to adjust & I remembered these long-ago words}

For a week this past December, my husband and our eldest were gone on a trip to Texas, leaving the younger two girls and I home alone. For the first day or two we did wonderfully and then reality begin to hit a little. Jordyn {then 21 months} and Janelle {then age 6} thought life was getting a little too boring. I decided that we needed a change of pace and fast, so the decision was made to go to Pizza Hut to cash in a free pizza coupon.

However, when the assigned evening arrived, I had hesitations. Jordyn had not taken her customary nap and her sister had not slept well the night before—they were both very grumpy. I sifted through the mail while weighing the decision and noticed a note from a close relative. It read: “Thank you so much for allowing your daughters to come and visit us…they were the most well-behaved children…this speaks to the home training they are receiving and to the values you are instilling in them.” WOW! What further affirmation did I need? Throwing all caution to the wind, we packed up and left.
Big mistake #1.

The girls were jittery and jumpy as we tried to order and could not be still long enough to do any of the activities I had brought along. Trying to think quickly, I said, “Let’s sing a song, but softly.”
Mistake #2. Jordyn piped up from her booster and at the top of her lungs began serenading the entire restaurant with the song ‘Jesus Loves Me’, which sent Janelle into giggle mode. The jumpiness combined with the giggling caused a drink to spill, and Jordyn to stop mid-song and clap while loudly cheering “Yeah, ‘Nelle!!! Hoo-ray!!” I was beginning to wonder if it was a crime to run out without paying since we hadn’t eaten anything yet. Somehow, we managed to wait until the pizza arrived.

Later that night, I evaluated my mistake. I knew the girls were quite unprepared for the situation and yet I put them in it anyway. Why? It can be summed up in these words: unrealistic expectations. Webster describes expectation as a mental picture of, or a belief about the future. This is not a bad thing; we all must have an end in mind or goals that we work towards. The writer of Proverbs tells us that we can suffer without a sense of vision (29:18). What makes the expectation unrealistic, and sometimes detrimental, is that we can too often apply it in situations or to persons where there is not the capability for it to be fulfilled. Or we're just plain-old impatient & tired of waiting for the right timing.
Always a major mistake.

My situation with the girls was a piece of cake compared to the variety of times that I placed unrealistic expectations upon myself, my husband, my family…and the list could go on. Ever done the same thing? Perhaps you even did like me with the note from a relative and ‘claimed’ a scripture, a passage from a book, or someone’s advice as the ticket to success, but misapplied it to the situation at hand. I can very much relate.

I think as women, mothers, wives...we can learn to simplify life by dealing squarely with our expectations. If we choose not to, a sickening cycle of hurt, disappointment & then disillusionment will follow. It’s a trap that’s fairly easy to fall into, but not impossible to get out of. So, are there areas of your thoughts that need an ‘expectation adjustment’? Start today by releasing yourself or another, and then enjoy the freedom.

By the way, two nights later at a friend’s home, the girls had impeccable behavior at their dinner table. Prepared for anything, I was pleasantly shocked!

photo credits to stock.xchng

great expectations

the way home

We ride together in the darkness, returning after a time of dancer's muscles being stretched, ballet lessons, my girl and I.

This was a looming darkness, not as friendly as other nights and shadows played with our sight, creating images not truly there, but believable. We turned up the music and sang to hopefully deafen the rising fear in her heart, when suddenly light flashes, no crackling of thunder, but the illumination of the heavens with electrical charges is clearly observed by the both of us.

She gasps and cringes in the back seat. I offer words of encouragement and continue singing, hoping to distract and deter the fear.

"Is there a storm coming, Mom?" I hear the muffled question rising quietly above the music.

"Seems that way sweetheart."

"Are we headed towards it?" The voice is a bit more fearful and I quiet the music altogether.
"I think so, not sure."

"But Mom, why are we going towards the storm?" A question asked in earnest as it pierces my soul. My quick reply astonishes me even more as I comprehend the words:

"Because honey, this is the way home."


Oh Lord, do I hear the words? Am I understanding? Do I see the application for this servant's life?

Sometimes, sometimes, the way home is through the storm. There are no shortcuts, no other roads to take and the option of retreating or returning is not a possibility. Or will offer disappointing results.

How often do I remember that you warned of lightening and storms, of times of darkness? My life, this life though only a vapor, plays a part. I am at times overwhelmed by the news of darkness and shadows all around, of trials and concerns that seem unnecessary, of those who suffer needlessly.

And I too, in my own personal storms as well, want to retreat and remove myself from the picture evolving before me. To find a shortcut around the storm, to take a different road.

But Lord, you often ordain that through the storm is the way home. At times you do not circumvent our pain or remove the searing heat of our difficulties though we cry out in earnest.

But You are always working to get us home. Home to Spirit-controlled living :: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Home to a new character and a greater understanding that while we are weak {yes, we are}, YOU are so very strong. The darkness is not punishment, but the perfecting of mind and spirit :: not a cruel joke or judgement at all, albeit a turbulence allowed by a just and loving God.

And though the lightening dances and the storms rage, arriving home will birth rewards that far outweigh the storm.

Oh Lord, I've experienced this darkness and deliverance cycle several times and yet I often doubt my safe arrival. Help my unbelief...


photos credits to stock.xchng

the way home

Being Present

One very beneficial aspect of my time away was the practice of being present. Of keeping to the moment at hand and avoiding the trap of mentally staying one step ahead. You know how that goes :: writing a to-do list as breakfast is being eaten :: feeding the children lunch while planning for dinner :: keeping an eye on dinner cooking while making a phone call and thinking through the activities of the evening. And on and on the story goes.

There is not judgment in my voicing the path of multi-tasking. Frankly, I believe it is often necessary! But the pitfall is that we can find ourselves living in this mode most of the time and applying it to all aspects of our lives.

Such as to our relationships.


For example, have you given thought to the effort that it takes to listen? To really set aside all other mental activity and to fill our minds and hearts with the words being spoken by the one sharing them? To be present for them and truly demonstrating care, concern or whatever support may be needed?

As I ponder my own ability to do this well, there is a flood of thankfulness for those who bless me with ardent, gracious attention---even this week. When words did not merely fall from my lips & to the ground, but instead were absorbed by ones who genuinely listened. Who were being present on my behalf.

Oh, gratitude, gratitude....thanking HIM for such friends.



I'll be back to the food theme soon. May your weekend be enjoyable!

Being Present

Treasures, Part II

I wrote a little while back about a series that I had the privilege of recently sharing at our church. Here is part two on the topic of 'Encouragement for a Mother's Heart'.

II Cor. 4: 7-8, 16-18. The Bible says we have this TREASURE (the light of God & the knowledge of Him) in jars of clay. What an encouragement! It also means that we are clay. Destructible and sometimes fragile. In other words, we cannot hold it together all of the time. Hmmm....think about that for a minute.

But, the same chapter later says that this treasure is a power within that is renewing us daily. Not just at salvation, but daily. This treasure is timeless, indestructible, strong and most important...eternal.

So, for us that means we are not to solely depend on what can fail us: our own wisdom, our own strength, even our own 'good' that we do as Mothers. As wonderful as it may be, it is not dependable....it's CLAY! It may be here today and gone tomorrow because we are human. We have mood swings, bad days and good days. We are not even to focus on our 'light and momentary troubles' (though they hardly ever feel that way do they?). We may be hard pressed, but don't have to be crushed. We may be perplexed, but don't have to feel abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

Because He is renewing us daily! Therefore, we CAN keep moving forward in a confidence---not on us, but on HIM. Our motherhood is not dependent on whether or not we can do it all, have it all together, or play the part correctly. It's about His power at work within this jar of clay. That's what gets the job done & keeps us moving forward.

He is also transforming us. However, I'm not sure that we are to focus on the transformation needed. Be aware of it, but don't be consumed by it. Otherwise we are striving and not dependent on God. FOCUS on the treasure! Focus on HIM! And, He will bring about the transformation we need as Mothers. HE will work on us---our job is to keep focus on Him.

So have you lost focus dear mothers? Feeling hard pressed or perplexed? Focus on the treasure--and let Him renew you & transform you.

Treasures, Part II

Treasures, Part I

A few weeks ago, I led a group of mothers in our local congregation through a short 3-week series entitled
"Encouragement for a Mother's Heart". While there is much to be said on the topic, for us the focus each week was on the word 'treasure' and various significant scriptures for life application. Thought I would record some of what was shared and offer it to Mamas out there in blog world.

"For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also." Matthew 6:21

So many times our mother's heart is filled with the thoughts of what we need to do...the organizing, the managing, the daily tasks and the running here and there. Other times we have concerns, questions and doubts that crowd our hearts and minds. Or we think too much on what needs improvement in our lives or the lives of our children. What is the primary beat of your mother's heart right about now?

It's not that these things necessarily go away or even need to. As Moms we have much to do! And often times we are prompted to be concerned about an area that would have probably slipped our minds. That's all normal and good; and we cannot brush off our responsibilities or be lazy in our approach. It's when the tasks or questions so fill our heart that there is not room for the precious, the uplifting or the treasures that we miss out on having a heart full of joy.

In your mother's heart, are you storing up treasure? Not solely of the faces, the events or the words of the ones in your care...but of what is right in your journey of motherhood? Hmmm....self-focused or prideful you may ask?

"Finally MOTHERS (okay, the NIV says 'brothers'), whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things." Phillipians 4:8 (emphasis added)

So as you recognize areas of weakness in you as a mother, also store up thoughts of when there was a confidence about what you were doing. Or how about pausing to think on {gulp!} things gone well? How you might have failed, but didn't. Not necessarily to drive away the doubt, but to store up treasure of God's faithfulness to us so that our hearts can be in the right place. I'm not trying to promote an attitude of thinking we've arrived or that we or our children are in need of no improvement! However, it's humanity's default mode I believe to condemn ourselves. Perhaps that is the reason why we needed the command to think otherwise?

Pause this week and think on the excellent and admirable parts of the motherhood journey you're currently experiencing. And then, give Him praise for it.

Treasures, Part I