This week begins much different than the ending of the last, gratitude rises with each breath of relief as I wonder again at my lack of consistency in trusting this Mighty God :: in leaving it all laying before Him and awaiting His answers.
I am so impatient Lord.
And that response has never proven helpful to my situations, so when will I learn?
I have fluttered between a variety of emotions. True excitement about our future and then a tinge of worry as I wonder how everything will flow together into a rhythm of life that is not chaotic. In the last several days, each of our responsibilities have weighed heavy and felt burdensome to my spirit, much different than the yoke you speak of and that I've experienced.
How will I get it all done? How will everything fit together? Oh, the looming questions on probably every homemaker's heart! And though this question has been faced and fear conquered over many seasons, the last several days...this past week Lord...it seemed too large for me. A strong force of doubt began to shut out Your voice :: I momentarily gave in to the fear.
But Thou Oh Lord are a shield for me, my glory and the lifter of my head. You will not leave me comfortless, and when I ask, wisdom beyond understanding is made available to me. Once again, as I cried out my lament and waited...
YOU became my answer. YOU became my daily bread, the air I breathe :: and in that presence, the opposing emotions began to settle, lose their power over me. Wisdom, strategy for new family patterns & rhythms begin to emerge. You began to put the pieces of our life together as I released the entire puzzle to you. And while there are still questions, I will choose to wait on the rest. I will allow You to be enough.
::::
That is the question I think we ask during our times of worry, of anxiety, of doubt. Will He be enough? Will my Lord take care of me and the situation before me? You are here Lord…right?
It was the battle of Abraham as he wondered & worried about the promise made and his lack of a child to carry out the vision…
of prophets like Jeremiah and Elijah as they were disregarded and rejected for doing what God had required of them…
of Hannah who pleaded with her God about the desires of her heart…
of Mary who must have been truly shaken up by her angelic encounter, trusting & yet perhaps wondering how it would all work out.
Scripture give us many clues into the hearts of those who struggled in this area and we can read of Moses, King David, Queen Esther, and on…
Each and every time, He answered. In His own way, in His own time, He assured each heart of His presence and an awareness of all that lay before them. So, we can release any anxiety into these hands…and wait on HIM.
